And then there was that one time, when we spontaneously decided to make over our fan. When we painstakingly spent two hours, sanding, spraying, cleaning, and painting it, only to see the rope that we had ever so carefully, tied to the motor, to hang it from our garage ceiling, so as to enable easy access to all sides for spraying with the rustoleum, break and send our motor crashing into our concrete, garage floor. I.e. that was two hours spent in vain.

Me and My Girls

My heart is full this holiday season. I have been doing a Christmas countdown of sorts with my kids that my Mom sent me. It has been so great to turn the focus everyday back to Christ and to remind us of the true meaning of Christmas. It's so easy to get lost in the celebrating. It's ironic that even trying our best to celebrate and create Christmas traditions can bring us stress. Especially as mother's. This year I have tried my best, to let the unimportant things go, and cling to the important. This scripture read, with an added act of service (which I added to my Mom's list, and which is our gift to Christ everyday) has really brought the meaning home for us. 

My heart is very full this Christmas Season. I'm feeling very blessed for my situation in life. Blessed to have family that loves me and cares about me. Blessed to have four beautiful children who are thriving and growing and rambunctious, even though sometimes they drive me crazy.  Grateful for a husband who loves me and the kids and works so hard for us so that I can stay home and raise my minions.  Grateful for good friends who inspire me and make me a better person. Grateful for my health and my mind. My testimony, and my spirit. I'm grateful for good books, and cozy fires. I'm grateful for a warm, beautiful house, ,that is filled with memories, both good and bad. Grateful for the bad, because they make me stronger. Grateful for the good, because it gives me hope. 

But mostly I'm grateful for that sacred day so long ago, in Bethlehem, When the Savior of the world, was born in a humble stable. How much love must have been there on that night, with his beautiful, and faithful Mother Mary, and patient, and obedient Joseph.  I love thinking of the birth. I love imagining what I would bring the savior if I were a wise man. This year my gift to him, is an added measure of patience with my children. It's a goal to show my husband more love on a daily basis by doing random acts of service, it is to reach out to a widow, who I have not spoken to in over five years. It is to spend time in sincere prayer every day. It is to fulfill my callings in the church, and do my best to be spiritually guided by them. Really these gifts are not for him, but I know that by doing them, they make Him happy. He really is the gift, and I am forever blessed by His gift. 

I learn more about the atonement every time I stumble. Just when I think I have something figured out, I am humbled yet again to realize I am so far from perfect. I'm so grateful for repentance. For forgiveness. I know that I can be as close to my Savior as I will let myself. I know he is constantly inviting. Inviting all to come unto him. Inviting us to repent. To pray. To ask. To recieve his blessings. It's up to me to come unto him.  And this Christmas Season I will do my best to do just that. 

Happy Holidays Friends. You are loved. 

Dear Miss Ruby

The Birthday Girls

Dear Miss Ruby,

I cannot believe that you are already one years old. I wanted to write you this letter, so that one day you can read it, and know how cute and adored you were as a one year old. Because you are my fourth child, I know from experience, that if I blink too much you won't be a baby anymore.  Thus, I have tried my best this year to stop and enjoy you as much as I could. We have snuggled, and nursed, and played.

Ruby, you have such a sweet spirit. If I could say one quality that I have noticed in you, it is that you are just peaceful. Your default face is a little peaceful, content smile. Even if you are the only one still waiting for breakfast or waiting to be nursed as Mom gets other kids ready for school, the default smile says "It's ok Mom, I know I'll get my turn". You are so patient and content.

You have been a dreamy sleeper. We have our routine. Jammies, blanket, snuggle time, Baby Boats song, then peek a boo for a minute once you are in your crib, and a quick prayer.

The kids adore you. Strangers at the store adore you. Everyone in our ward adores you.

You got your teeth much earlier than my other babies, but you have not bitten me! I think you are very aware of what is going on around you, and you understand much more than I realize. For example, last Sunday you kept pulling off your headband. I really wanted you to wear it, because it looked so cute on you. So I had a little chat with you about how I really wanted you to wear it, and could you just wear it for Mommy, because it looked so cute on you, and you stopped fussing with it after that.

You love to be played with. Your the fourth and all the older kids like to snuggle you and roll around you. Sometimes I think they are playing to tough, but you just laugh. You especially love when Dad throws you in the air.

You are great at communicating by sign language. You sign "more", "all done", and "milk".  Also I know when you really want something because you will start flapping your arms up and down super fast, as if you were a bird ready to fly away.

You are not walking yet, but you are standing up and climbing up and down the stairs. You clap and give high fives and kisses. Your favorite things are stuffed animals. You love to snuggle them and hold them, and eating food. You pretty much eat anything we give you. It's so nice to have a baby that has no problem eating.

I'm grateful for how content you are to run errands with me, and go for a run in the running stroller with me. You rarely make a peep. Your Dad and I often say that you are perfect in every single way, because you hardly cry. The only time you do cry is when Buster is smashing you too hard, when your really really tired, or if we hand you to someone else.

Both of your Grandma's recently came to visit. They were there to celebrate your first birthday with you, and surprisingly you loved being held by both of them. I think you have a special bond with them.

As for being a Momma's girl or Daddy's girl, I think you love us pretty equally. Often you will reach for Dad and smile when I am holding you, only to wait a few seconds, look back and forth from both our faces, and reach back for me, then to him, then to me.

Oh Ruby. Ruby. Ruby. Ruby. I love you so much. You are precious. I'm so grateful you are a part of our family. I can't wait to get to know you better as you grow up.

Olivia's Baptism

I just want to eat this girl up. Ah . She kills me with her cuteness. 

It was a special day today watching Olivia get baptized by her Dad. My heart is full. I'm feeling so much love both for my own family, for my sweet daughter, who made the choice to be baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints today, for my husband, who was able to baptize and confirm Olivia, for our children, who, though squirmy, and at times unruly, did pretty good for little wiggly bodies through the baptismal service, and for family and friends that came out to support us on Olivia's special day. It was such a beautiful day.

After Olivia came out of the water she smiled and hugged her dad. She looked so sweet and beautiful, and I was reminded of how lucky I am to be her mother. I'm so lucky to be her mother. I can't say that enough. The older she gets, the more I realize what a truly unique and special little girl she is. She's going to make a difference in this world with her desire to learn, her desire to reach out to the one lonely person, and her desire to do good. 

It was so neat to have Grandma Brown, Grandpa and Grandma Paxman, and her Aunt Jenny there along with lots of other family and friends.

It was so nice having the help from my Mom and mother in law with the food and kids and things. It's been a great week full of some good memories like watching Home alone for the first time with Liv and watching her face just light up in anticipation. Also Ruby turned 1. I will do a post on that later hopefully. Life is so sweet.  

8 is Great

Thanksgiving 2014

Thanksgiving with Warner's kindergarten class was. . . crazy, but I'm so glad I got to be there. I made the turkey for the class. 

This year we hosted thanksgiving at our house and had some friends that are like family over.  It was such a fun day, and the food was almost as great as the company. 

These two had their own private table. It was adorable. 

Gaging on how messy she got, I think Ruby liked her first thanksgiving dinner. 

Bottoms up!

24 Year Anniversary of my Dad's Death

He used to call me Jessakeecheecooter. I've no idea where it came from, but it's a memory I'll cling to forever, because it's only one of a few that I have.

The other's are that he loved to snuggle. He also loved green olives and yummy food. I have a memory of him making scones. I also remember him making steak, and I remember that he loved to eat the fat off the steak and I thought that was so silly. 

I also remember a few weeks before he died he would have me come lay by him in bed and sing to him. I always sang Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers. I still cry every time I hear that song.
I remember him and Charlie Wright acting like they were the best of friends. So many of my memories of Dad include the Wright family too. Barbecues and swimming pools and even trips to the beach. 

I remember he loved to play his guitar and sing. 

I also remember one time watching him comb his black hair over and over and over and look in the mirror at himself with a big smile. I think that vanity definitely got passed down to the Hoopes boys.

A few years after Jaron and I got married, we were living in the parents basement. I was helping Mom reorganize her play room and I stumbled across a video of Dad in the hospital. It was a video of him visiting with Joan and John Carver. He must have been pretty sick, because he was a little out of it.  He was so hospitable to the Carvers. He listened intently to what they had to say and treated them with so much love, talking to each of them personally. Making each of them feel like they were important to him.

The video was really long, yet when it was finished I cried, because I just wanted it to keep going on forever. I just wanted to keep listening to that voice. Keep seeing his kindness towards his hospital visitors. I wanted to take in every bit of who he was and put it in my heart forever. I felt like I hardly remember him, and hearing his voice and seeing how loving he was to the Carvers made me all of the sudden realize what I had been missing all these years. 

After I finished watching the video, I felt like I was grieving his death all over again. I don't know why it was so hard for me. Maybe because I had just pushed his death out of my mind. Maybe it was because I was so young when he died, that I didn't feel like it was fair for me to still be grieving over this person that was only a part of my life for seven years. Either way, I was all of the sudden very aware of this beautiful person that I was missing in my life. 

The weeks after I watched that video were rough. I prayed hard to Heavenly Father that I would feel peace about Dad being gone.  The scripture that sent peace to my soul at that time was this: 

 27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as theworld giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled,neither let it be afraid.  John 14:27

I did feel peace. And I do feel peace. I have felt comfort that he has been aware of me. I have felt him close by at poignant times in my life, and even had the reassurance that he was praying for me in times of trial.  From time to time I still feel an ache that he is gone; on my wedding day, when my kids were born, when I've seen someone that looks like Dad might have looked if he were alive today. But over all I feel peace. I'm grateful that he is ours forever. I'm grateful to know he's still here in my life, even though I can't see him. 

"Life does not end with mortal death.Through temple 
ordinances which bind on earth and in heaven,  every promised blessing predicated upon faithfulness will be realized". Harold B. Lee From the Valleys of Despair to the Mountain Peaks of Hope, August 1971

I also want to echo this quote from Harold B. Lee 

"I know that God lives. I know that he has opened the  doors to the glorious resurrection. He is biding   the time when he shall come again, when the trump  shall sound, and those who are ready to come forth in the morning of the resurrection shall come forth to be caught up in the clouds of heaven to meet him. God  grant that we may live to be worthy to be among those who will be with him".

That's my prayer and my goal. To live to be worthy to live and associate with all of you and my family with the Savior in the next life. 

Here's to 24 years Dad. And who knows how many more until I see you again, but when I do, I hope you still remember our song.  

Precious Moments

 That time when she fell asleep nursing next to me on the couch and I didn't want to move. I didn't even want to breath in fear of waking her, because the moments are passing so quickly and she's growing so fast that I just had to make time stand still for a minute. Time never stands still when you have a three year old running around who needs you every waking moment. I hated when I had to carefully get up from my cozy spot, next to her soft little, quietly breathing body, and get her older brother a "touchey wum" i.e. a tootsie roll.  

  I tell you it sure is hard getting anything done with this little pea pod to distract me. Play with this smiling chub or do laundry? Hmmm. Wonder which one I'm going to choose?