Warning. This is a rant.

Dear Walmart Parking lot Lady,

When I saw you in the parking lot at Walmart today I had four kids in tow, five including the one in my belly. You looked at me like I was rather odd.  There's no doubt about it. I am in fact very odd. 

You offered to take my cart for me, which was very kind of you. But, before you did that you asked me if "ALL these children were ACTUALLY mine". I said proudly that only three of them were. You looked down at my large belly, then, back at me, and exclaimed "And one on the way"?! Then you ACTUALLY had the audacity to say "You've GOTTA stop Momma!" 

I was taken off guard by such an appalling and rude comment from a complete stranger. Without being confrontational, yet not being simply passive either, I replied, "No I don't need to stop, because I love my kids, and I think big families are great".  

Ever since that little moment several hours ago, I have had many thoughts swarming and running around and around in my mind all day that just need a place to land.  So, I'm writing you this letter, with the knowledge that you of course, will never lay eyes on it.

Let me start by saying that I never have, nor ever will judge another couple on their choice of how big of a family to have, or if to have any family at all. That is a very personal decision for every couple to make on their own and with their own time table. There are so many things that go into the choice of having children. There are those who go through long, painful struggles and years of trying to get pregnant. There are those who have the strong desire to have a baby, and are told they never will be able to. Then there are also those who do get pregnant, but are horribly sick and lifeless for the whole nine months of their pregnancy. These women are heroes in my eyes. It takes courage and faith to give all of that time, emotional and physical energy, and resources to having those children.  I also think the choice of when to have children is a very personal choice.

The choice that my husband and I have made to have children has been neither naive, un-intelligent, nor accidental. Rather, it has been prayerful, sacrificial, brave and deliberate.  None of our children have been accidents, though if they were I'm sure we would consider it a blessing at some point down the road. So to answer what I know you are already thinking lady, yes we know how babies are made. And yes, we know how to prevent it.  

I don't have almost four children because I particularly love having little bums to wipe or mouths to feed. I didn't have children because I wanted more stretch marks and cellulite and to kiss goodbye my beautiful pre-pregnancy body.  I didn't do it, because I absolutely love little children. I do love children, but still, that is not why I had children.  I didn't even do it because I felt like life without children would be meaningless or dull, though I'm sure those things would have come to pass. 

We (the husb and I) decided to have children, because we believe in families. We did it because it is a commandment that has been given to us. We did it because we have a testimony that when we are fulfilling God's commandments, no matter how hard, or challenging they may be, He helps provide a way to accomplish it, and he blesses us for doing it.  We did it because we believe it is the work and glory of God and we want to be a part of that sacred work. Lastly, we did it because we know that parenthood is not just a privilege. It is a calling.

As quoted in her blog from Elder Neil L. Andersen's most recent address I love what this Mother said in regards to having kids. She said, "It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for". I love that. I believe that. I believe God gave us everything we have so that we can raise up families and be tools in "bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39) 

When I first moved to Washington I had one child. People in the stores were so nice to me. They told me how beautiful Olivia was. When I had Warner, that didn't change. People always said "Oh, you have your boy and your girl, that is just perfect". Once I had three, the compliments started to slow, and were replaced with occasional huffs and puffs and stink eyes.  Ok that's not entirely true, there are still really sweet people out there that are helpful and kind and complimentary, but the stink eyes definitely increased with the number of children I've had.  And now that I'm pregnant, people look at me like I'm just plain crazy. But here's the thing. I'm not crazy. I'm brave, and tired, and blessed and intentional. 

Am I challenged beyond sometimes what I feel I can handle? Yes. Do I feel all the normal feelings of a stay at home Mom, at times inadequate, lonely, frumpy, and impatient? Of course. But none of those feelings even come close to the overall joy I feel that I am a Mom. Nor do any of those feelings get in the way of the greater good that I see at the end of the tunnel. It's a worthy goal I seek. One that I'm not ashamed to admit. 

I wish people would not look on those who choose to have big families with contempt or pity, but instead with admiration, hope and encouragement.

Walmart Lady, after I told you that I thought big families were great, you still didn't back down. You said "But it's just too expensive to have that many children". To which, I replied, that expense is relative. Maybe my choice to have more kids means they won't all wear the nicest clothes, or drive the nicest cars, or have the experience of  vacationing in Hawaii every year, or be pro tennis players, soccer players, or concert pianists.  To me, those things are seemingly insignificant compared to the blessings of growing up in a house with other siblings who help you learn to serve, to work, to get along, to sacrifice, and to go without. Besides, I think you can have your cake and eat it to when your following the commandments. Whose to say that big families won't be blessed with those luxuries eventually too. 

With that I saw a change in your face. You started to smile. You even took a step back, let out a soft laugh and said "Ah yes. I agree. I'm with you. I'm all for the simple life". To which I didn't say,  "Trust me, it's anything but simple", but instead said "Thanks for taking my cart back for me, have a nice day".

I hope that you consider these words that I've shared with you today, before telling another mother that she needs to stop having children.   

Good day to you.

Sincerely,

Jessica

Whew. I feel better now.   I hope not one single mother or woman walks away from reading this post feeling judged, because I sincerely mean it when I say this, I don't ever judge another person for their family choices. When I say I think big families are great, it is not because I think small families are not. I think it is brave and wonderful to have any children at all, and big or small is such a relative term to every individual family. And every circumstance and situation is unique and different.  

I'll leave you with a few quotes that I love from that talk I mentioned before.

Mark 9:36-37

 36 And he took a child, and set him in the midst of them: and when he had taken him in his arms, he said unto them,

 37 Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me, but him that sent me.

"It is a crowning privilege of a husband and wife who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for these spirit children of God. We believe in families, and we believe in children."- Elder Quinton L. Cook