What I Wish I Would Have Known

What I Wish I Would Have Known

Last night Annette invited me to attend an enrichment night with her Bellevue ward where she was going to be part of a panel of three women speaking and answering questions for young mothers on a variety of topics. I was so inspired and uplifted by it that I thought I would share it on my blog, since I know that the majority of my viewers are also mothers.

A brief introduction on the three women who spoke:

Annette Paxman Bowen- Annette is my aunt, and is also an amazing mother of three boys. She has worked with the youth of the church for most of her life. She is also a professional writer and has written articles that have been in the Ensign as well as some wonderful books. She currently is over public affairs for half of the State of Washington which is a full time calling for the church. Mostly she just has great wisdom when it comes to mother hood and she’s the type of person that you just want to talk to for hours about “How do I?” and “What would you do if?. . .”

Marilyn Rands – Marilyn is a beautiful, wise older woman, who I would guess is in her late sixties or early seventies. She is the mother of five grown children, with grandchildren, and even great grandchildren now. She has served as the stake relief society president and currently is serving through Inter-Faith in the community. She also was a second grade teacher for a very long time.

Sue Dixon- Sue is the mother of eight amazing children (as Annette has told me). She has also served as primary president and relief society president. Her family runs a part-time business in the summers which her children are the employees of. It is the local pools snack shack. It’s a great way to get her kids involved in finance, accounting, and learning how the world of business works.

“What you wish you would have known”

Note: These quotes are not exact and are taken from my notes.

QUESTION #1: What do you wish that you would have known as a mother?

Annette-

When I was a struggling young mother of three young children people used to tell me “If you think it’s hard now just wait until they are teenagers”, but for me that wasn’t true. We all have been given different talents. For me having teenagers was easier than having young children.

To every thing there is a season. The two best decisions that I ever made were one: to marry Scott, hands down, and two, to follow the advice of President Kimball to stay at home with my children. I will never regret all that time that I had to spend with my children. The blessing of this is that most, if not all of the dreams that Annette put on the shelf so that she could be a stay at home mom, ended up coming true in the end. She was blessed for staying home with her children.

Marilyn-

I remember as a young mother some others mothers saying to me “My kids just won’t take naps”. Every day from 1:00 to 2:00pm I didn’t care if my kids were asleep or not, but they were in their rooms and they were being quiet! (Said with a smile). You NEED TO LET YOURSELF RE-GROUP.

I remember being a mother of two young children. With one it was easy. I could always meet their needs with no other competition, but when the second one came it was one baby that was used to having all of her needs met, and now another one with new needs. One time when they were both crying at the same time, I took them to my husband’s studio and said to him “I can’t do this! We need to send one back”.

Do not get discouraged. It is hard, but don’t get discouraged. Discouragement is Satan’s greatest tool. You can feel frustrated, but don’t get overwhelmed.

Remember that before your children are yours, they are first and foremost Heavenly Fathers children.

You can lose a battle without losing a war. Remember that you don’t have to do everything in one week. You have your child’s whole life time to teach them.

I’m also a big advocate of getting rid of stress before stress creeps in. If you have a lesson to prepare, taxes to account for, or a phone call you have to make, do it early, before it becomes a stress. It takes the same amount of time no matter when you do it; it just eliminates the load of baring the stress along with other daily duties if you do it early.

Sue-

Just remember, that what matters most is that your children KNOW WHO THEY ARE, that they are God’s children. You can start to teach it to them at a very young age.

QUESTION 2: Did you ever find a daily/weekly routine of scripture study, family prayer, FHE that worked? What was it?

Annette-

Scripture study for us changed and was at flexible times depending on the age and schedules of our children. Before there was early morning seminary we all would read in the morning before Scott went to work. After realizing that trying to read scriptures before early morning seminary was a disaster, the time that worked best for us was 10:00 pm. This was the best time for us. The goal was to have all homework done by 10:00pm and we held the scripture study on our bed in our bedroom. This made it comfortable and relaxing. We read a chapter a night. It ended up being also a wonderful visiting time, and when scripture study was done often times one child would linger behind that needed to talk about something and talk for hours. We still have fond memories of our scripture studies at 10:00.

Another important thing to note is that we didn’t care if our children were devoutly listening during scripture study. They would poke and tease each other as we would read the chapter, and we didn’t scold them. We didn’t care if they were listening as much as we cared that we were doing what the prophet had asked us to do, and the blessings that came from that routine were outstanding.

FHE: Because of Scott’s work schedule and the many different church callings that required time of him, our Sunday dinner was sacred to us, because that was a time when all of us were for sure going to be home and together. During Sunday dinner we would have wonderful gospel based discussions. The children would tell us what they were learning in seminary or Sunday school and we would all build on that.

On Sunday Evenings we held a family council. At the family council we discussed the temporal needs of our family: finances, tithing, schedules, chores etc. We had a rule that if an activity was not announced and put on the calendar at family council, it didn’t happen. This avoided many time crunched, last minute errands for me.

Sue-

Echoing Annette- Its not the words from the scriptures that your children hear often times that makes the difference, but it is the spirit that comes in your home from reading the scriptures daily that makes all the difference.

Comment from the audience:

You have to know that it depends on the age of your child to predict how much time you will read together. Sometimes two minutes is great. Other times when they are older you may be able to read a whole chapter. You need to be flexible and realize that even then some nights might just be a two verse night.

QUESTION 3: What about your own spiritual study as a younger mother? How and when did you fit it in?

Marilyn-

Every morning when I would wake up I felt hungry. I knew that I had to eat, and if I had to eat that meant I also needed to read my scriptures. Every morning before I ate I made sure to read something.

Annette-

For me my scripture study time floated. It was always best if I read first thing in the morning, but I couldn’t always do that. I have by my bedside a flip “Scripture a day”, and every morning when I wake up I read that scripture, I work on memorization, and try to hide the reference and guess it. That way I get that extra spiritual boost to start my day, and study more when I have time later on in the day.

QUESTION 4: How did you make sure that your child had good friends that they were hanging out with?

Annette-

I was a spy! I drove my kids every where. If you stay quiet enough when you drive your kids and their friends here and there, you would be surprised at how much they say as they forget that you are there.

I constantly was inviting my children to have their friends at our house to hang out, and would often eavesdrop in on their conversations, finding out interesting things.

If there ever were a time when we got a bad feeling about someone that one of our boys was friends with, I would approach them about it. I would tell them that I got a funny feeling about so-and-so and ask them if they knew any reason why I would feel that way. It usually led to good, open communication. I never asked my kids to stop being friends with anyone; I just wanted to make sure that they were equipped to handle the relationship.

From the very beginning I have told my children “Look, I am the meanest mom in the world, and I don’t care who knows it”. “I am fine with your friends knowing that I am the meanest mom in the world. That said, you can use me as an excuse any time that you want to get out of a bad situation. You just simply say, ‘I have the meanest mom in the world, and she is going to kill me if I do this’”. We also had a code for if our kids were ever in a tough situation that they wanted out of. All they would have to do is call me up and ask about how our dog Riley was doing, and I knew to come get them.

QUESTION 5: How do you deal with discord among your children and their friends especially if it is in the same ward?

Annette-

I had a very wise grandmother who used to listen to me tell her my problems with love and sympathy, and at the very end she would wink her eye and say “You be the good one”.

Most of the time all your child needs is attention and love. Praise them, and praise them some more. They don’t get enough of it. Statistical analysis in the homes shows that children on average get a 9 to 1 ratio of negative to positive. Praise them. At the same time they need to be taught how to say two very powerful phrases “I love you” and “I AM SORRY”.

QUESTION 6: Any last words of advice that you would like to give?

Annette-

The most powerful parenting tool that we ever used and which Scott and I lived by through all three of our children was: don’t make any assumptions about who your children are. Our motto was “Show us who you are”. Let them make as many decisions as they can so that they can choose who they want to be. Often times Scott and I would give them three acceptable choices of something and let them choose. It didn’t matter what they chose, because all three were acceptable.

Marilyn-

Just know that there are going to be good days and bad days. Maybe we could just write down the good days and when we are having a bad day go back and read those good days.

Remember what they say, you can’t prepare the road for the child; you can only prepare the child for the road.

- I would just like to make a special note that I am so grateful for the Mother that I had. She is one of the most Christ-like and giving people that I know. I just want her to know that she is not only one of the greatest mentors of my life, but she is also one of my hero’s.

Opposition in All Things

Today ends the streak of nearly two weeks of sunshine and warm weather. Also, as luck would have it, after a wonderful weekend of hiking, geese watching, kayaking, and bonfiring, I am very sick. Ironically enough just yesterday I re-read the awesome chapter in 2nd Nephi which reminds us that "It must needs be that there is opposition in all things" . Right now I'm not too thrilled about being sick, I feel like my throat needs a nice rotor rooting job, that and the fact that my head feels like it just came out of a clamper. I'm glad I read that chapter it was a nice reminder as to why we have opposition, and that we really should be grateful for it. I think I'll feel a little more grateful once this is all over. :)

Here are some pictures of our weekend. The hike starts at Rattle Snake Lake (the lake that we tried to get to the other day, but didn't quite make it) and goes up a few miles to a beautiful look out. Its 4 miles total, which is just the perfect amount of hiking for Olivia. It was one of the prettiest hikes I've ever been on. Washington is so beautiful. I've really grown quite fond of this place.

Thanks for reading faithful bloggers, now I'm going to go gourd myself on tea and pretzles and curl up to "You've Got Mail" with Liv.

Sniff. Sniff.

What happened to my little baby? :( Sniff Sniff.


P.S. See below for another new post and update.

Sunlight, President's Day, and an Update

Inspite of the fact that this picture is a little overexposed, I had to post it, because it proves that there is in fact sunlight in Seattle! In fact, we have had nothing but straight sunlight and beautiful blue skies for the last four days! It has been really great timing with it being a three day weekend (which by the way was Jaron's first ever paid holiday). Yay!

We had a fun weekend. Saturday we helped one of Jaron's old time buddies from Hawaii (Rik C) move into a new home, and on monday we went for a hike and looked at some apartments. Here are some pictures from the hike:

Isn't that a crazy picture? It looks like the trees are at war or something.
When we started our lovely hike, we originally intended to hike up to this Lake which we thought was just a few miles away. I say originally, because we didn't make it to the Lake. I'm not one to back out of a hike before reaching the destination in mind, but when you have been hiking for two hours and still have to turn around and go back a few hours, and you have a little one year old crying because her needs aren't met, you just turn around in spite of the fact that the Lake is probably just around the corner with out any hesitation. And that is just what we did. We had fun for the most part though.

Ok and here is what you have all been waiting for. . . an update on the life of the Brown's:

Jaron loves his job, and loves the people he works with. He just got assigned to a project which will require some waders, which means he will be doing some outside "field work" (surveying the White River). He is excited about that!

We have spent most of our spare time looking for a place to live, and after a lot of thought and prayer we decided against buying right now. We found an apartment complex that is only 6 miles away from Jaron's work and we will be moving into it next Saturday. We are really excited to get our stuff out of storage! It will be like Christmas all over again.

We are so grateful to my Aunt Annette and Uncle Scott for letting us stay at their River Bend cottage. We really have loved it here, and we will always have fond memories just around the River Bend. :)

Here is one more picture of this beautiful place that Jaron took. He's such a great photographer! We'll call this one Moonlight Sonata.

Waterfalls, 30 Foot Logs, and Valentines Day

This is a picture of the local waterfall here. Isn't it beautiful? Doesn't that hotel ontop of the hill just look dreamy. I'm thinking Jaron and will have to stay there one day. Maybe our anniversary? (are you reading this sweetie, hint hint).

This tiny, little log is displayed in the city of Snoqualmie, where the waterfall is, which is about a ten minute drive from where we are staying in North Bend. It is the trunk of one of the original old trees that used to be here. Annette and Scott have a similarly sized trunk in their yard. Imagine what that tree used to look like!

By the way. Happy Valentines Day! I'm usually not to sentimental about Valentines Day. I've always felt like it is just an excuse for the flower people to get lots and lots of money off poor humble husbands trying to please their wives, but today, I'm feeling more sentimental. I view it more as a chance to reflect on the things I'm so grateful for in my life. I'm feeling very grateful for all of my great friends, and family today! Especially I am grateful for these two babes!

Love is Love. :)

The Real Olivia

Hello. My name is Olivia. And this is a story about me.

This is Olivia. She is good at lots of things. She is especially good at trying to be sneaky. She tries her best to steel her Mom's car keys. Oops! Caught.

Some days Olivia likes to pretend like she is a little troll, blissfully living in the troll kingdom.













It is on these days that she thinks she is the most sneaky!











One of Olivia's favorite things to wear is her new rain jacket. She likes to put the hood up and where her rain jacket even when it is not raining outside! Olivia is so happy with her rain jacket on that she does her moves, she does her dance moves.












When Olivia walks she makes sure to watch every step so that she doesn't fall onto the stony ground below and hurt herself.














On one of these occasions of stepping carefully, in her favorite rain jacket, with her hood up, Olivia stopped! She saw something moving on the water. But what could it be?" Is someone else out there? Could it possibly be. . . another gremlin like me. . . ?













On that glorious day Olivia found a new friend, in her rain jacket, with the hood up.

The End.

Just around the Riverbend

Now that things are a little more orderly in my life, and now that Jaron has started work, I can make time to blog! I thought I would just post some pictures of where we are staying so that you can visualize Jaron and my life here in Seattle, or more precisely North bend.
As many of you already know, my Aunt Annette and Uncle Scott Bowen are some of the most generous and kind people you have ever met, and they have extended there generosity to our little family by letting us stay in their little cottage while we search for a place to stay permanently. The moment we saw their little cottage out at North Bend (about 40 minutes from Seattle) we were in love with it. Here is a view of "The Cottage".

This is a picture of Papa bear hybernating inside the cottage.

And this is the little pond that "The Cottage" looks out upon. Isn't it beautiful?

And here is a picture of Olivia. I promise I will take more of her. Usually she is the center stage of my blog, which is probably why I have the viewers that I do, so I promise there will be more pictures to come of the little bambini. This picture of her was taken by me from the front seat of the car en route to Seattle. She had her little stash of soft blankets and stuffed animals to keep her company in the back seat. She was a serious trooper through the whole 2 days that we spent in the car, two hours of which we were at a complete stand still.

Many of you have asked what we have been up to the last week, as Jaron only started work today and we have been here for a week, so I will tell you. Last week was mostly a combination of hibernation (i.e relaxing by the fire and finishing up Harry Potter book 6 on CD), looking at houses, and exploring the streets, the city, and the outskirts of Seattle. On thursday we were just about to turn down I-90 and check out some houses down in Maple Valley, when we up and decided to make for down town Seattle. It was a beautiful day. We ate lunch in a little Cafe overlooking the Puget Sound, and then walked down to the harbor. Then on Friday we hung out with our friends from Provo, Brad and Meg, and went to a little miniature Children's Museum which is free on Friday nights. It was great fun to watch Liv play and explore. At one point she found a little three year old with long, blond, beautiful hair, and decided that was more exciting then the surrounding toy exhibits. So she proceeded to pet the girls hair. That actually entertained her for some five minutes, until I think the Mom was feeling a little awkward and steered her child in another direction. :)

Needless to say, I think I really like this place. The air is fresh and clean. The people are nice. Scott and Annette are amazing, and we love being around them. The ward we went to yesterday was also amazing. We hadn't been in the chapel for more than three minutes before a few people had introduced themselves and welcomed us there.

So it all works out in the end doesn't it?? Thanks for all your pep talks and support in the transition and move away from home!